Wednesday, January 11, 2012

S.S. Question Mark : Week 2

"Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor." - Dr. Alexis Carrel

Going along with the simplicity of last weeks question - * HERE * - , this week we'll take a look at the opposite:

What makes you sad?

There were a lot of pretty big things that were making me sad when I started these questions. Obviously since my marriage wasnt just "cracked" anymore, 1 ) my failing marriage was the number one thing making me sad. A lot of the others that made me sad spun off from that first one alone. 2 ) I had lost my identity. I felt like I was just a baby factory...a uterus with legs... because I felt I hadnt done or accomplished anything else. 3 ) Then it was the thought of my kids coming from a broken home. I just couldnt stand the thought that they'd be another statistic. 4 ) It progressed to all the things I wondered if I'd missed out on by getting married so young. There's absolutely zero doubt in my mind that I really blew some amazing opportunities. =/ 5 ) Now this one isnt specific to only myself - my body. Its not completely not what I want...but it was a lot worse when I wrote it as an answer only 2 or 3 months after my girls were born.  6 ) Not getting "me" time. I feel like every mother hits that wall eventually. There was totally no way from me to have had me time when I wrote it down. 7 ) Feeling unvalued.  8 ) People viewing my children as work rather than joys. (And no, I've never asked anyone to raise my children or take over for me.)

It's ok for things to make you sad in life. Sort them out to what bums you out a tad and what sometimes literally destroys you. Once you know what is "little" stuff and whats really an issue, you'll be better able to chose your battles and what gets to you. Some things will be super easy to get over and move on with. Other things, like some of mine, can take a year....or be able to deal with. Try to make it your goal to sort these things out, let the little things go, and find your way of making these things into a positive.

How I've been able to put a little bit more of a positive spin on them or not be sad about them at all over the last year:

1) I hated being another young marriage statistic, but through this last year I've been able to realize that I get a second chance at life. You only live twice. This time its for my dreams. (Thank you, Nancy Sinatra!)
2) I was too down to realize my kids were the greatest blessing and achievement I'll ever have. But no matter how down and exhausted I was from caring for three babies alone, I always took care of them first and continued to love them. I was giving them love for two people and I will continue to no matter how dead tired it makes me.
3) The kids will be better off in a home where their mom and dad dont despise each other and have a better learning opportunity of how a man should treat a woman and how he treats his children.
4) I may have blown my opportunities, but now I know more of what I want. I wont waste time, have more life experience and far more appreciation for everything I get now and every advancement I make.
5) My body image is getting better. Every woman struggles with the body image battle. But I'm not trying to look good for anyone but myself. I love my shape and dont want to loose it. I dont want to look like some starving model. I just want to look like ME...just a little better =D
6) I've been able to work in a bit more "me" time the last few months. I have been fortunate to have a boyfriend who is supportive of my projects and understands what they mean to me and my future goals. I couldnt do any of that without him really.
7) I'm still trying to figure this one out. There are a couple people I feel valued by...but everyone else I was always there for who totally dont....I may never understand
8) Kids are hard. There's no explaining around it! But when they're three years old and under, they only know love. They arent trying to be a pain or annoying or be "bad". They're learning to walk through this complicated, sometimes crappy, life. We need to make sure that it is as loving and encouraging an environment as it can be for them for as long as it can. That being said.....I'm much more old school in my parenting style. I do use tough love and I am not afraid to pop them on the hiney when they're doing what they really know they arent supposed to do. But I want them to always feel loved no matter what and that wont ever change. They may say, "Shoo, my mom was a tough ol' broad, but at least she loved me." And that'd be just fine with me. =D

Happy searching!


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