S.S. Question Mark : Week 9

* Week 8 *'s question is good to keep in mind while considering this week's question:

What would I like to learn?

You learn a TON of things throughout your life, but what is something specific you want to learn? It could be something that's purely for hobby like how to knit or play golf; it could be something deeper.

One thing simply for "hobby" is to learn a new language fluently. OK..more like 6 or 7 languages! For some reason I've very drawn to learning Russian...even though I dont know anyone else who speaks it or really have the need for it except I'd like to visit some day. Learning more languages would certainly give me more of a reason to visit their native lands, right? Right! =)

Something more deep I'd like to learn is how to be a better person and live up to the standards I have set for myself. You have to examine yourself sometimes and ask yourself, "What could I be doing better?" It could be anything. That comes from some place a bit deeper within yourself. When it comes to my standards I'll admit that some of them can be a bit absurd and completely unrealistic. I'm not really going to be able to be the love child of Marilyn Monroe and June Cleaver. Haha! So using them as an example, I would have to choose certain aspects from each woman and see if they match up to what I actually want, see if its something I could realistically achieve.

There's no need to set yourself up for failure!! There's going to be more "failure" in your life than you'll ever want, so always try to be real with yourself. We see this a lot when it comes to desired body images. I would NEVER be able to be a model. For one I'm too darn short. Secondly...I want to look like a real woman, not like I havent yet hit puberty. Would I love to be able to wear clothes they can, you're darn tootin' I would! But that isnt me and its so not even in my genetics to come close! Its a common and superficial example, but it can more or less apply to any sort of goal you have for yourself.

Ultimately make it a goal to learn to be yourself and be happy with who you are!=)

* Week 8 *'s question is good to keep in mind while considering this week's question:
Happy Searching!

Loves!
~Kels

S.S. Question Mark : Week 8

Everyone has something in their life that they are striving for…but when do you stop? This week we have an age old question:

What does success mean to you?

There has to be a point where you stop. (Yes, I know you have to work to maintain what you’ve succeeded in.) But that is up to your personal definition of success. A lesson I’ve learned that I think pretty much applies to everyone would be to learn contentment. You have to be happy with what you have. For me, success would be reaching a goal I have set for myself and being pleased and content with the outcome.

Sometimes you reach a goal….and you are definitely not happy with what has come of it. That may mean that your desire has changed or that something you were working for doesn’t actually work for you. Instead of getting angry and resentful about it, be content that you’ve figured out what doesn’t work for you. Sometimes you don’t even realize what you truly want until you’ve gone through enough things that don’t work for you and you figure out what you DON’T want. It seems backwards…but I’ve learned a lot of things that way. I always thought I was a huge failure at a ton of things until I redirected my mindset to see that those things were simply lessons in what I don’t want or don’t work for me and my life-Especially now with children.

Its pertinent to separate your wants from your needs. Naturally there will be lots of things you “want”, like that new huge flat screen TV, but do you “NEED” it? Is it going to feed you or give you shelter? Nope.

Although I live at home with my parents and want my children and I to have our own home, I am content where I am while still having the drive and intent of getting us a home. As much as I’d like to be laying out on the beach in Rio de Janeiro, I am happy just having the warm sun on my face on this beautiful day...and watching the movie Rio. (hehe) There’s always something “bigger and better” that we desire, but we still have to try to love our daily reality. It helps you to appreciate those very special occasions when you get to partake in parts of your fantasy. Success is being happy. =)

You can click * here * to see Week 7's question.  

Happy Searching!

Loves!
~Kels

S.S. Question Mark : Week 7

Last week I didnt feel as if I could do a soul searching post because I wasnt in my new positive outlook. I didnt think it would appropriate to tell others to be happy when I was not. Though things arent fairing tons better, I feel more equipped to be able to do so.

What is your biggest regret?

I am not a huge believer of regret. At one point, it was what you wanted. Instead you must learn from it. Sometimes it could be something that you didnt really can control over. You can be saddened or hurt that it happened, but again, you must learn from it.

If I did have to chose one thing though, it would be letting who I was disappear. Your identity is your most valuable and nearly sacred "possession".

Sometimes when you're going through a transition period in your life you may be upset because you feel lost or feel like you've lost who you are.

Everyone gets a little lost here and there. Sometimes you make a U-turn, sometimes you take a left or a right, or sometimes you even just keep on marching forward. Not every step is a wrong one or the direction you chose is wrong. You were brought to that crossroads for a reason. These are what helps you learn and develop yourself as a person.

BUT...

That doesnt always mean you made the right choice for yourself. I know, it seems contradictory.  If you've made a "wrong" choice, but it ended up bettering yourself because you learned from it and realized that that was indeed not what you want for your life..then there's not really a reason to regret it.

Dont worry though, you wont be lost forever!

"A person meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it." ~ Jean de la Fontaine
So dont be afraid!

"If you arent sure who you are, you might as well work on who you want to be." ~ Robert Brault
Just go for it, dive in!

Hurting others is certainly another that I regret but I always try to make up for...I've known enough pain that I would never want anyone else to experience it. (I try to abide by the Golden Rule.) Its something I feel people have forgotten in recent years. Everyone seems so angry and afraid. =/

Keep your chin up! Even if it's baby steps, keep or start taking the steps you need to make to better yourself and your life.

Loves!
~Kels

S.S. Question Mark : Week 6

As with most soul searching type questions, there's a secondary question that goes along with another. * Here * we can see last week's question to be able to answer today's :

What do you have to do to make that change happen?

Sometimes what you have to do can be hard. Sometimes it can feel scary. Its always far easier to think about what would be nice to change than it is to do what is necessary to change.

Most often, for myself at least, is the first step; knowing what it is, not over thinking it, and getting over the fear of failure to be able to take that step.

"The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: decide what you want." ~ Ben Stein

If what you decided last week that you want to change is that important to you or close to your heart, the fear wont matter. You'll be willing to take that leap. I'm still learning that not everything can be dictated by my fear of failing. Things may not have turned out how they were "supposed" to in my life thus far, but I have not failed because I have not given up. I may have had to sit and wait for a while, but that didnt mean I was being lazy or that I was being complacent to what was going on around me. I had prayed for more patience, and boy did I get a major lesson in it!

Even though I dont know how things are going to turn out, I am no longer so worried about being a "failure" that it consumes and runs my actions. How could I show my children how to live their lives and chase their dreams if I myself were too afraid to do it myself? How could I encourage others-especially those who have been through similar things to myself- to do it if I couldnt? There must be more actual action and less talk/thinking about what actions that must be taken to make changes in your life, otherwise your life will pass you by.

Fear Not and Happy Searching!

Loves!
~Kels

S.S. Question Mark : Week 5

* Last week * we checked out somethings that happened in our life that we arent particularly fond of. That can bring us to this week's question :

What is one thing you would like to change in your life?     

As usual I can always think of multiple answers, as I'm sure you can.

I think one thing people usually try to change in their life is to be happy. We took a look at what makes us happy in * week 1 *. To bring that change into your life you'll need to implement a bit more "you" time to be able to include more of those things that make you happy.

One of my answers was "no more stress (caused by loved ones)". You do have to be realistic and plausible. Obviously you cant remove every bit of stress from your life-unfortunately!- but there are certain happenings of it that arent necessary and can be removed. Sometimes this means the removal of people from your life. It can suck. But would you rather be surrounded by people that in the end give you anxiety, or would you rather have a few less friends and be ten times more relaxed? I've chosen to get out of the high school phase of life where I thought quantity of "friends" was the same or better than quality of friends. Its been a slow lesson to myself, but one that I finally totally get.
Family is not exempt from this either. Family is forever, but sometimes you just have to distance yourself from a certain member or remove them completely. I'm not a big encourager of removing your own family unless they're an incredibly bad influence in whatever way. I feel that if both parties are willing to make a better relationship happen, then they'll want to talk and hash things out maturely with open minds and patience. If not, then have a chat and come to the agreement that you'll more or less just leave each other alone and stay out of each other's way.

It is important to make your own decisions in your life, especially when dealing with people and situations talked about above. There are tons of instances that I allowed someone else to basically make my decision for me, and years later it is still fresh on my mind and I hold some resentment. It causes you to lose out on beautiful memories. Sometimes your own choices turn out to be the wrong one and can cause painful memories, BUT they are still YOUR memories.

This is your life. Change everything you can for the best now. You may get a second chance....you may be ON your second chance...no more procrastinating. =)

Happy Searching!

Loves!
~Kels

S.S. Question Mark : Week 4

Hey there everybody! I've been trying to go along in the order my questions are written in my notebook, but its been a bit of a rough week around here and the next question was another opposition of the * previous question *   :

 What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you?

I've had to think about that a lot the last few days and it's really put me through the works. So, not only do I honestly have no desire to think about it again for a while, it will keep me from a full day of much needed positive thoughts; so I'm not going to get into mine like I have been doing for examples.

Its good to think about every once in a while when taking stock of your life because not everything that happens is good. (Unfortunately) But you should examine those bad things and look at how they've shaped you. Has it made you be safer, more cautious? Were you able to help a friend who ended up going through something similar? Is it something you never thought about before that you realized after it happened that you'll definitely need to teach your kids about? To be able to make it through this crazy life, we will have to look at the "crap storm" and see what good things it may have brought out in turn.

Good Vibes and Positive Thoughts!

Loves!
~Kels

S.S. Question Mark : Week 3

This week's question is another one that seemingly isnt that difficult to answer, but I am still having a hard time coming up with one.


What is the best thing that has ever happened to you?

To me this seems to be one of those things you cant answer until you are much older, have made tons and tons of memories, and can reflect back. Right now for me if could be having my children. Or if I look at things in a different light, I can look at my divorce as a good thing because I get that second chance to make a new life for myself and my children. One seems to go hand in hand with the other though. So for now, I'll call it a tie even though its still a sorta up in the air for me....I think there's so much more to happen in my life to make the call. (But I'm sure my kiddos will still take the prize =D )

Happy Searching!

Loves!
~Kels

S.S. Question Mark : Week 2

"Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor." - Dr. Alexis Carrel

Going along with the simplicity of last weeks question - * HERE * - , this week we'll take a look at the opposite:

What makes you sad?

There were a lot of pretty big things that were making me sad when I started these questions. Obviously since my marriage wasnt just "cracked" anymore, 1 ) my failing marriage was the number one thing making me sad. A lot of the others that made me sad spun off from that first one alone. 2 ) I had lost my identity. I felt like I was just a baby factory...a uterus with legs... because I felt I hadnt done or accomplished anything else. 3 ) Then it was the thought of my kids coming from a broken home. I just couldnt stand the thought that they'd be another statistic. 4 ) It progressed to all the things I wondered if I'd missed out on by getting married so young. There's absolutely zero doubt in my mind that I really blew some amazing opportunities. =/ 5 ) Now this one isnt specific to only myself - my body. Its not completely not what I want...but it was a lot worse when I wrote it as an answer only 2 or 3 months after my girls were born.  6 ) Not getting "me" time. I feel like every mother hits that wall eventually. There was totally no way from me to have had me time when I wrote it down. 7 ) Feeling unvalued.  8 ) People viewing my children as work rather than joys. (And no, I've never asked anyone to raise my children or take over for me.)

It's ok for things to make you sad in life. Sort them out to what bums you out a tad and what sometimes literally destroys you. Once you know what is "little" stuff and whats really an issue, you'll be better able to chose your battles and what gets to you. Some things will be super easy to get over and move on with. Other things, like some of mine, can take a year....or more....to be able to deal with. Try to make it your goal to sort these things out, let the little things go, and find your way of making these things into a positive.

How I've been able to put a little bit more of a positive spin on them or not be sad about them at all over the last year:

1) I hated being another young marriage statistic, but through this last year I've been able to realize that I get a second chance at life. You only live twice. This time its for my dreams. (Thank you, Nancy Sinatra!)
2) I was too down to realize my kids were the greatest blessing and achievement I'll ever have. But no matter how down and exhausted I was from caring for three babies alone, I always took care of them first and continued to love them. I was giving them love for two people and I will continue to no matter how dead tired it makes me.
3) The kids will be better off in a home where their mom and dad dont despise each other and have a better learning opportunity of how a man should treat a woman and how he treats his children.
4) I may have blown my opportunities, but now I know more of what I want. I wont waste time, have more life experience and far more appreciation for everything I get now and every advancement I make.
5) My body image is getting better. Every woman struggles with the body image battle. But I'm not trying to look good for anyone but myself. I love my shape and dont want to loose it. I dont want to look like some starving model. I just want to look like ME...just a little better =D
6) I've been able to work in a bit more "me" time the last few months. I have been fortunate to have a boyfriend who is supportive of my projects and understands what they mean to me and my future goals. I couldnt do any of that without him really.
7) I'm still trying to figure this one out. There are a couple people I feel valued by...but everyone else I was always there for who totally dont....I may never understand
8) Kids are hard. There's no explaining around it! But when they're three years old and under, they only know love. They arent trying to be a pain or annoying or be "bad". They're learning to walk through this complicated, sometimes crappy, life. We need to make sure that it is as loving and encouraging an environment as it can be for them for as long as it can. That being said.....I'm much more old school in my parenting style. I do use tough love and I am not afraid to pop them on the hiney when they're doing what they really know they arent supposed to do. But I want them to always feel loved no matter what and that wont ever change. They may say, "Shoo, my mom was a tough ol' broad, but at least she loved me." And that'd be just fine with me. =D

Happy searching!

Loves!
~Kels

Find yourself on the S.S. Question Mark : Soul Searching Question

"Its a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes me happy." - Lucielle Ball

About September last year..2010...I drove into some serious soul searching. I wasnt able to go to a counselor or anyone, so I searched the web and found a bunch of soul searching questions to work through. I'm going to put up one a week. Finding oneself is never ending, but this can give you a starting point.

What the absolute most important thing to do or keep in mind is that you must be truly honest with yourself with the answers. Open your mind and your heart and just listen...go with your initial-almost gut reaction-answer. If you just ask the question to yourself and dont "consciously" think up an answer and just listen to what your heart is telling you, it'll be much more accurate. The hardest ones are the ones you really dont want to hear or admit to yourself. I took plenty of my answers with lots of salt. (yano, "take it with a grain of salt.") A lot of the questions are super basic, easy questions....seemingly. It's these simple things that are so over looked and assumed that they can actually be pretty hard.

When I started these questions, I got out my favorite notebook and designated a whole huge section to it, allowing myself plenty of space to write out the answers and even add to them later. I like to go back to them every so often to see if any of my answers have changed or if I have any to add. Life is a journey...you always have to add or take things away to make it better.

"What makes you happy?"

Go ahead and scoff a little at the supposed easiness of this question. But take seriously what your answers reeeaally are.

Here are some of my answers (some answered right away, and some added over the last year): Family. Love. My kids. Occasional shopping. Designing. Learning. History. Spending time with friends. Pictures/Art. Music. Helping People. Cooking/Baking. Traveling. Crafting/DIY/Projects.  And a brand new one to add- My blog. =)

Happy Searching =)

Loves
~Kels

Inner Beauty and the Verbal Beast

Ok, I am going to have a Peter Griffin "Grind my gears" moment. Why can there not be any positivity? "Person A"...I'll call them Debbie- Well, hello, Debbie Downer!- can speak nicely about, encourage and be supportive; but only of those who fall in line with what they like, their style and what they think the other person should do. If you go out of those lines then you better watch out!

Today I was excited to wear my new cowl neck striped sweater dress, corded leggings, double buckle belt and cowboy boots. The boots arent new, but I was made to feel so bad about them the first time I wore them that I didnt wear them again for over eight months.

I bought the boots after I was finally allowing myself to move forward with my life and was trying to figure out who I really even was after...well...the crap storm. Rather than being encouraged to take that step, I was actually ridiculed. I was "being fake" or "trying to impress/change for a guy" (BAHAHAHA!! riiiight.) and so on. This came from the people closest to me. I was incredibly wounded and it really set me back. I had loved the outfit I had worn; I actually felt like I looked good, was positive about myself. Those of you who have had children can certainly identify. (except you freaks of nature that look like you havent had a child at all. Happy for you but I hate it!!)

But back to my outfit today. I suppose- according to Debbie Downer- looking nice, making an effort in your appearance and taking pride in yourself as a person is a very terrible thing. I was given a very rude, slap-in-the-face comment about how I, to sum it up, was trying to strut around and be a super model; I even got a hint of an accusation that I was acting like a snob. It completely shattered my confidence.

I do not see confidence as a snobby thing and nor should anyone else. It should be celebrated!

Every woman should feel good and beautiful. One comes with the other. Every girl deserves to be told she is pretty and supported. She may not be your physical "type" (you may not be hers!) and her style and what she's into may not be yours, but it is what makes her "her", and that is Beautiful =)

So, no, Debbie Downer. I am not "trying" to be a super model. I'm being me, wearing what I love and makes me feel good about myself. I love my style. There's honestly no way I've ever been able to describe it. It is ever evolving. (which I also love)

"Change isnt necessarily good or bad. It just is." - Don Draper. I couldnt have said it better. For whom is my change bad, you or me? I get to decide that for myself and no "I told you so"s allowed!

Though Debbie still hurts my feelings and causes me to second guess myself...I am getting better at shrugging the comments off while still retaining my confidence. I have chosen to not surround myself with those that arent positive and encouraging towards me and the new person I am becoming. I've gotten to the point that I wont remain around someone who speaks down to me, whether I leave or they do. I'm not going to have that kind of influence in my life anymore. I cant. It wont allow me to change-whether its good or bad.

Be Beautiful =D

Loves,
~Kels