Monday, March 5, 2012

good bye, hello

Its been a rough couple weeks for me. Kyle is no longer in the picture and until yesterday it just hurt too badly to say it. (Since he was included in many posts, I thought I'd be frank about it instead of him just all of a sudden disappearing on here with no explanation.) As depressing as it was, its helped me realize a LOT of things about myself. As unhealthy as it was, it caused me to not be able to eat for almost two weeks which jump started the weight loss I so badly wanted. After a couple days I started being more healthy about it because I certainly didn’t want an eating disorder out of it. I still have three amazing children to take care of and be an example for. I’m scared as can be to be making such big life changing steps without someone by my side, but I know I can manage to make it work.

Lucky for me it came time for Jen’s bachelorette party in Nashville. I was still down and even a bit apprehensive about going at all. Of course I’m one of those who seems to think things are “omens”. When it was time for me to head down to meet up with her was when all the horrible storms and tornadoes were rolling in. I watched sunny skies ahead of me and the storms follow behind me the whole way. I felt like I was fighting the storms to be able to get a piece of myself back. Over all, I feel like I did. =)
Even though I’m back to my reality, I am happy. I’ve been laughing…a lot…even just on a drive around town by myself. I can just cut loose and sing (loudly), dance (as much as you can while driving), and just laugh at myself. It’s a really good feeling. Naturally I am still hopeful that there will be someone who comes along to go through life with me and the kids, but I’m definitely not going to run out looking for one. He’ll find me some day.
So thanks for my readers that stuck with me through the last couple weeks while I wasn’t posting like I normally do. My soul searching posts suffered the most I think, but I’m emotionally better equipped to do them again now. I guess this is another new chapter for me and its up to me to write the story using the characters and events that I’ve been given. The first part of this new chapter: Loving myself and being truly happy, embracing each hill on my roller coaster of a life to give me a happy outcome.

Ready to take on "Nashvegas" with the girls
(Dress and Belt from * Modcloth *. Ring: Khols. Watch: Bulova. Bracelet: Juicy Couture. Feather Headband: * Made Myself *.)


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