Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Dim Past, Bright Illuminations

"Ruin is the road to transformation." -Eat Pray Love
A year ago you could say I was ruined. I had been forced from my home with my two year old son and newborn twin daughters by my husband who no longer wished to be so. My parents allowed us into their home-hoping we wouldnt be there too terribly long. I have been insanely thankful to them for giving us a home, but it has weighed on me to feel like we were a burden on them. 
Not knowing what exactly to do with myself and unable to get a job because I couldnt afford daycare, I signed up for online classes to do through the community college. It's surprisingly difficult to pratically teach yourself a course after being away from school for five years while takeing care of three children 2 and under on your own. My grandparents took the kids for about two weeks to try to allow me to catch up and I even had an incredibly generous friend buy me a laptop to do my school work since using my parents' computer had begun to be an issue. Unfortunately, by the time my grandparents took the kids it was too late to save my grades. I took it very hard. I'd always been a good wife, good mother and a pretty good student (before this particular semester); yet I failed. Having not really failed at anything in my life and then failing at two of the three most imprtant aspects of my life was soul shattering. 
Near the end of my kids' stint at my grandparents, I allowed myself to go out with friends and enjoy myself for practically the first time in years. I had, in a way, been punishing myself for my failed marriage by telling myself I didnt deserve to be happy or have any sort of enjoyable human contact. (Thank God I realized that I was being ridiculous!) Did I sorta hope guys might notice me? Sure I did. I was hurt, not dead. Was I looking for a new guy in my life realtionship wise? No. Not really. But you know how things like that go. My girlfriends and I happened upon a new group of friends through a guy friend of ours. Thats what I wanted...and needed...was friends. One guy in particular had the same style and and random-sometimes sick-sense of humor I had; but he was just a friend. A few weeks later while our "group" was out, this guy up and kissed me and I was completely taken aback. I pulled away from him and left only a few minutes later...completely baffled. I remained baffled for a few days actually. Then it dawned on me: I did like him. And that was ok. I never thought I'd have feelings for another guy again after what happened to my marriage, but all of a sudden we needed Oprah's couch to go Tom Cruise all over. I was slightly guilt ridden, though, because I was still technically married...but I had no money for a lawyer, he was supposed to be taking care of it...but was more or less taking his time. But that marriage and relationship was dead, we were both in complete agreeance with that and it was all just a technicallity; a piece of paper. We were free to move on with our lives. I was finally free to take my life back and be happy. 
So, Hello! I'm Kelsey. Altough my life is still a bit of a mess and the "Big D" is still working on getting settled, things are becoming brighter and clearer. Kyle and I are in our eigth month together. My son, Turner, is now 3. My twins, Lydia and Bridget, are now a year and a half. I, myself, have just turned 24 and I sincerely hope that 24 and 2012 will be my best year yet! I have been contemplating starting a blog for months now to have an outlet for myself and all my creative whatnotness. I am so fortunate that Kyle is so on board with it and my creative endevours and even keeps the kids out of my hair so I can finish things or run to the store.
I hope that through my blog I will be able to inspire others to carry on and make their journey through life beautiful-their own kind of beauty. The ruin caused by my ex gave me the second chance for my life and my kids lives and in the strangest way I am so thankful for it. I get to transform into what I truly want to be and encourage my kids and those around me to do the same. =)

P.S. I plan to post my DIY projects, sewing, recipes and other miscellaneous things that tickle my fancy. Hope you will get as much enjoyment out of them as I do!

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